The zodiac is kinda a weird phenomena. Astronomer’s from different civilizations, thousands of miles apart, have all picked out the same pattern in the sky. The movement of the constellations across the path of the sun. It’s kinda weird lol.
Anyway, as of 2008, something crazy happened! (Crazy things keep happening in our times, doesn’t it seem so?) I am not very clear on how this occurred, but a new constellation crossed into the path of the sun and is now a part of the zodiac all of a sudden! It’s name is Ophiuchus. It’s basically some guy holding a snake…
To be completely honest, I don’t like this Ophiuchus guy. He just totally ruined the entire zodiac. Before he interjected himself oh so rudely into the whole deal, the zodiac had 12 constellations, 4 elements that were divided evenly amongst the constellations, and three different qualities (Fixed, Cardinal, and Mutable) Now there’s 13 people, and it’s completely thrown off balance D:<
I am gonna write an angry email to that guy who made Pluto not a planet. I’m assuming he is responsible for this, since he’s always ruining everything.
DAMN YOU.
I AM NOT AMUSED BY YOUR PLOY.
I AM THE GREAT OPHIUCHUS.
I DO NOT “THROW THINGS OFF BALANCE”, THINGS THROW THEMSELVES OFF BALANCE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT COMPREHEND THE EXTREME MIGHT THAT IS OPHIUCHUS.
>:[
I ALSO AM NOT PLEASED WITH YOUR LACK OF PRAISE FOR THE PLUTOMAN.
SAID PLUTOMAN IS MY PROPHET, IN WHICH I TELL THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE SO THAT HE MIGHT TELL THE REST OF THE WORLD, WHEN HE DEEMS THE WORLD READY FOR THE SECRET IN QUESTION.
IN CONCLUSION, I, OPHIUCHUS THE MIGHTY, AM ALL POWERFUL. I GIVETH, I TAKETH AWAY, AND RIGHT NOW, I GIVETH YOU A 3.5/5 FOR LACK OF CELESTIAL BEING PRAISE.
*LIGHTNING AND THUNDER*,
OPHIUCHUS.
…
You still suck D: